Letters and Poetry
POETRY
the shock of it all
by a family
the judge
“i know you’re a good boy,
you care for your family
in so many ways
this was just a mistake
i know you have learned this
i know you won’t do this again
you have up to this hearing
today”
with the strike of the gavel
“jail, jail, jail…”
the words reverberated as if it was a dream
a very bad dream
part suspended, part to serve
“this is to teach you a lesson,
to rehabilitate you”
with the strike of the gavel
a family was devastated,
no time for a hug, a kiss, a wave goodbye….
no time to figure out
what are we to do
without you for so long
what are we to do
so much racing through our minds
you’ll be alone
you’ll go crazy without your children,
your wife,
your mother,
your siblings….
“jail, jail, jail…”
the click of the handcuffs
roared in our ears
the cries of disbelief
as you were led from our sight
tears streaming from you
and from us
this cannot be, it cannot be
the punishment
was not standard,
did not fit the crime
WHY?
even the victim
requested no jail time
we expected consequences
but not this
WHY?
the shock of the sentence
lingers still
we know it will end, it will end….
life will move on….
but will it end?
the impact of this action
will linger forever
“jail, jail, jail…”
the silence is deafening
by me
the moment word got out….
“i’m so sorry”
“you must be devastated”
“i’ll be thinking about you”
then
silence
not
“how are you doing?”
“how is he holding up?”
“do you need anything?”
or
“here is my shoulder, go ahead and cry”
not one word
all alone
the silence is deafening
maybe they don’t know what to do
or say
maybe it’s the stigma
once you have a loved one in jail
you are now contaminated
maybe it’s in the genes
to go to jail
maybe you are jinxed now
so they’ll just stay away so it doesn’t rub off
maybe he is violent
I’ve assured, though -
it was non-violent,
non-drug related,
first offense….
happened in a panic
due to effects
of societal stresses
and this act was one
that many
have done
and just don’t get caught
no, we, uh, are, uh, busy -
yes, that’s it
don’t call us
we’ll call you
and
have a nice life
dealing with all of this
(glad it’s not me)
previous support for other things
previous invitations
previous communications
all washed away
because i have
a loved one
in jail
these are the sentiments
i hear
in the silence
that is so
deafening
like a ton of bricks
by a mom
the saying
“hit me like a ton of bricks”
took on new meaning
the day you were sentenced
to jail.
waiting for news from you
after your hearing -
and after a couple of hours,
nothing.
something was wrong….
I could feel it.
then the call;
hit me like a ton of bricks.
your sister, sobbing
“they’re taking him to jail
right now….
six months.”
crumbling as they hit me
the ton of bricks
shattered my life.
my beautiful, loving son.
i had to break the news
to your wife
your children,
one a newborn.
they were sitting right there
when i got that call;
hit them like a ton of bricks.
expecting you to return
with some consequence,
but not jail -
and not for so long.
the pieces
lay shattered
and are slowly
being swept away
as we wish
for quickly passing time -
though it seems like forever -
until the time
all the pieces
are under the rug.
the impact of that moment
hit us
like a ton
of bricks.
LETTERS
Excerpts from an incarcerated son to his Mom – June, 2009
I want you to know that I am doing just fine. Of course I would rather be with my family. But for the situation I am in I could not be doing any better. The WR center is way better than the regular jail in so many ways. There are many more “freedoms” here than in there.
Work is going great and my manager is working with me during this time. I should be getting a raise after my first month at work.
I am allowed to see my family each day since they take me to work and this makes me very happy. I realize this is a very difficult time for them.
I am thankful that you are helping us. You are truly a great woman and not just because you help us when we need it, but because everything about you and what you do is great.
You are caring, loving and you generally care about the welfare of others. For this I look up to you; you are a big role model in my life. If I can take even 25% of what you do and who you are to my life, I know I”ll be okay.
I love you very much, Mom.
